Welcome to Rantyville

A weekly show featuring TRB and Heather D, talking about everything and anything that pisses us off. Does it piss you off too? Listen in and find out!
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Welcome to Rantyville




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Jul 21, 2017

We talk, we drink, we laugh, we forget what we discussed. It seems to be a winning formula here in Rantyville, so that's exactly what we're going to do. TRB and Heather D are back to bring you another episode, and hope you enjoy it as we crash off the rails repeatedly. This week's fun topics include -

That Carmax Guy - Tales from the Uber - The Kitty Kidnapper - A whole lot of shit we did not plan - Best/Worst - and more!

This week's artist of the week is no longer a band (Whoops)! But you can still check out "On An On" via that thing.

Stalk Us -

TRB @TheRantyBastard    Heather D @IB4ECeptAfterC

Who is this Matty F guy they talk about? Why he's a fellow member of the Couch Party Crew! Find him on the CP app on the Google Play Store, and follow his dive into fatherhood on Twitter (@Murdock7X4). Congrats Matt!

Jul 14, 2017

It's time for another fun filled episode with your two favorite residents of Rantyville! TRB and Heather D cover a lot this week, so here's just a quick list-

The 4th of July - Dear Abby - Ranting about the gym - Tales from the Uber - Best/Worst - and more!

Check out our artist of the week on Soundcloud - The Girl In The Yellow Dress. (She sings lullabies to Heather D when the room starts spinning, and she has a great voice)

Hit us up on the Twitter with your 2 words, and leave us a 5 star review on that iTunes! And check out our official sponsor,!

Social Things

TRB - @TheRantyBastard  Heather D - @IB4ECeptAfterC

Jul 7, 2017

The Fourth of July is a time for fun with family and friends, which is exactly what we did! So instead of recording, we watched explosions in the air and drank beer until we were on the floor. So in an effort to get you to know Heather D better, Welcome to Rantyville brings you HD's first appearance on the former Retail Rant. She is joined by Mrs. TRB as they discuss motherhood, crazy kids, and the even crazier people that always want to cop a feel on a pregger's belly. Back at it with a new show next week, so enjoy this one as we all meet Heather D for the first time (again).

And don't forget to send us your 2 words for Best/Worst, and your five-star iTunes reviews!

The Social Credits

TRB - @therantybastard

Heather - @IB4ECeptAfterC

Jun 30, 2017

Hey there boys and girls! You didn't hate the pilot episode, so TRB and Heather D are back for another edition of Welcome to Rantyville! This week we talk more Ubering w/ TRB, "authentic" restaurants, Heather's bad decision of the week, Best/Worst and more! And remember, if you enjoy the show, rate and subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, or whatever source you infect your earholes with!

Need an easy, affordable way to listen to this show and the rest of the Couch Party Crew? Check out that FREE Couch Party app in the Google Play Store!

Jun 23, 2017

Welcome to the pilot episode of Welcome to Rantyville with TRB and Heather D. Taking the place of The Retail Rant on the Couch Party network, it's a weekly look into the daily lives of our hosts.

We're just riffing along on this one with minimal show prep, but if you enjoyed The Retail Rant, this one will pick you right back up where it left off. Less retail, more life. Enjoy!

Apr 28, 2017

S2E5: It's finally warming up in most of the country, which means one thing. Customers handing us things from their sweaty nether regions is about to become a thing again. And just when you thought perspiration soaked money from socks and boobs was the worst we would face, TRB bore witness to something far more disgusting. So pop in those earbuds and grab a barf bag, because this one will trigger your upchuck reflex. And if you've ever wondered if the employees at a pizza place get pizza parties as a reward, Ranty has the answer for you. Mix in a few more tales of retail fuckery, and you have this week's episode of The Retail Rant Podcast! So kick back, relax, and as always, make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

The Ranty Hotline is open! Call 810-373-9790, release some retail rage, and get it played on the show!

Couch Party App. Google Play Store. Do it. DO IT NOW!

Apr 14, 2017

TRB gets to relax a bit as three good friends of the show grab the reins this week in Season 2's first fan takeover. Sean William Brown and Mike Bookseller start us off with their top five things they actually like about retail, and TRB jumps in with Retail Side Eye to double the fun towards the end. Here's just a sample of what you'll hear about in Season 2, Episode 3 - Seafood hide and seek/creepy basements/dumb shit that corporate sends/things thrown at TRB/Rostered On/discount candy/bad crabcakes/Fios dies

Support the guys and pick up a copy of Sean's literary masterpieces "Dear Customer" and "Walmart: I Don't Belong Here", check out Mike's artistic stylings at, as well as their joint venture, And get over to to support our good friend Steven Petrivelli by picking up a copy of RETAIL, now available for pre-order!

And be sure to check out the entire #CouchPartyCrew on the award winning Couch Party app from the Google Play Store! 100's of episodes, 10 great podcasts, all in 1 FREE app!

Apr 7, 2017

Season 2 continues with the return of an awesome guest, Retail Hades! Check it out as Ranty and Hades team up to talk about more fuckery in cellular sales, and a #dearcustomer moment that will have you tearing up (from laughter, we're not real sensitive around here). Tales of retail past, idiots of retail present, and what you can expect in the future, all rolled into one episode! So pull out those earphones and fill out some more job applications as TRB and Hades help you through yet another #FucktardFriday in retail hell! And as always, make sure you;re wearing someone else's nametag!

The Social Stuff

Hades - @Retail_Hades    His better half - @Pharmacy_Hades

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Support the best crew in podcasting today by downloading the Couch Party app for your Android device! It's the best way to listen to 10 amazing podcasts in just one click of the finger. Perfectly priced for the underpaid retail employee - IT'S FREE! So go grab it now from the Google Play Store!

Mar 31, 2017

Season 2 is here! And who better to kick it off with than the creative mind behind the Retail comic book, Steven Petrivelli! Steven and TRB discuss what drives them to create their content, share stories from retail hell, and talk about what the reader can expect from this amazing comic. And despite their mutual hatred of working behind a cash register, you'll hear about some of the (few) good things that can come from being a corporate number. So plug in those earbuds, drown out the rest of the break room, and enjoy the season premiere of The Retail Rant Podcast!

The social stuff

Steven Petrivelli - @Steve_Petro /

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Powered by the Couch Party app for Android devices. Don't have it yet? Why the hell not?!?! Get to the Google Play Store and download it now - IT'S FREE! AND AWESOME!

Mar 24, 2017

It's been too long my friends, but don't fret. Ranty has returned. Despite a brief hiatus (not of my own choosing), TRB is back to heal the wounds of retail hell. Listen in as Ranty discusses what happened, how it went down, and why he's not all that mad about it (still kinda pissed, but not really). And then it's back to destroying retail and all it's fuckery. It's also a perfect time to bring a close to season 1 and get ready to bring you season 2, packed with customer fuckery and corporate idiocy. So kick back and enjoy the season finale (NOT a series finale, relax)!

And be sure to check out the dopest crew in podcasting, the Couch Party crew! Check all these great shows out on our Android app, and drop some 5-star love over on iTunes!

Couch Party  -  Miserable Retail Slave  -  Doom and The Beast  -  Jake and Tom Conquer the World  -  Let Me Tell Ya  -  Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics  -  Penrose vs. Anybody  -  The Nerd Rage Podcast  -  The Mixed Feelings Podcast (who also has an amazing YouTube channel - check it out!)

Feb 24, 2017

Well it's time to drop another throwback episode of the show this week, and what better way to do it than by bringing you the first ever guest on The Retail Rant. Joined by Sol (@_seasun), TRB finds out what it's like to be a server again after being out of the game for over 15 years. Whether it's the "Diet Coke" response to "Hi, I'm...", the ridiculous perceptions of what they saw on TV versus the food in front of them, or just general assholishness, waiting tables still sucks. And your Fuck You Notes get the "live commentary" treatment this week too! So kick back and enjoy this classic episode with your favorite drink, or just catch it in 15 minute segments on your breaks. Be certain to wear those earbuds, but most importantly, make sure you're wearing someone else's fucking nametag!

Feb 17, 2017

In the second TRBtalk of 2017, TRB sits down to discuss a piece of American culture that is slowly working itself into oblivion. The shopping mall. We all have them in our towns, and it was probably a piece of your teenage years growing up. Meeting someone there on a Friday night, taking them there for the first date on Saturday, or maybe even (gasp) shopping, we've all got at least one mall memory. And whether it's a good or bad memory, it's a part of our youth thats engrained forever.

But now we've "grown up", and gotten a job at the mall as we try to afford all the things that adult life necessitates. But something is amiss. This isn't the mall we know and love. It's merely a shell of it's former self. Why is that? Well kick back with a cold one as TRB explains why the American shopping mall is dying, and why it may be time for you to fire up that escape pod.

Feb 10, 2017

Yet another week of retail hell is in the books, and TRB is here to tell you all about it. Hopefully it's a cathartic thing for you, because this week we are dredging up some of the worst of TRB's last month behind the cash register. It all starts with a meeting (see #rantytweetsameeting for reference), followed up by a woman who deserves a dropkick, and sprinkled with some customer douchebaggery for good measure. So whether you're paying your way through college as a cashier, or stuck in middle management with no end in sight, this show is for you. Because let's be honest, there's a little bit of The Ranty Bastard in all of us!

Not enough TRB for ya? Check out the latest appearances of TRB with the #CouchPartyCrew on the totally FREE Couch Party App for Android! Talking RetroPie and wrestling with HAB of Couch Party, or the first in "studio" appearance on Penrose Vs. Anybody with the great Penrose Eames, it's been an exciting month for TRB!

Social Creds

TRB @The_Retail_Rant            The Ranty Hotline - 810-373-9790

HAB @Couch_Party

Penrose @PenroseEames

Feb 3, 2017

Welcome back to another week of retail fuckery! It's been a while since we've checked in on the mall scene, and this week's guest gives us some insight to where this former institution is headed. So Ranty is joined this week by yet another amazing guest, Heather D., to discuss just that. You'll hear about the uber competitive mall walkers, the creepers at the window and how to shame them, along with why Heather feels like she is working in the underbelly of a dying beast. See that the struggle to escape retail is even more difficult when you can start to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. But it's not all doom and gloom, so kick back and enjoy another great guest appearance on The Retail Rant!

The Social Things

Heather - @IB4ECeptAfterC

Ranty - @The_Retail_Rant

Did #dearcustomer give you an anonymous 1 star review? Boss forced you to accept an expired coupon from 2013? Corporate fucking up your day with conference calls? Well don't hold in the rage my friends! Call the Ranty Hotline at 810-373-9790 and let those frustrations go! Get them played on the show, as well as any topics you want covered on a future episode! Drunk dials totally encouraged!

Jan 27, 2017

Time to enjoy one of the greatest guests to join The Retail Rant! After much rescheduling, TRB is FINALLY joined in studio by the host of Penrose Vs. Anybody (and fellow Couch Party member), Dr. Penrose Eames!!! We talk about his show, some retail, Penrose says what everybody feels about Wal-Mart, TRB reminds everyone that they are just a number to corporate, B-Dubs wings are lame, and much more! This is by far one of the funniest, laugh out loud episodes of the show, so maybe the break room isn't the best spot to listen (unless you like those crazy looks from co-workers). But it's served up perfectly at home with your favorite adult beverage!

The Social Stuff

Penrose - @PenroseEames (the name changes every 6 minutes, so just use the @)

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Find both shows and many more on the totally awesome, 100% FREE Couch Party app for Android! The best collection of shows in one simple click, including all these great shows - Miserable Retail Slave, Couch Party, Jake and Tom Conquer the World, Nerd Rage, Mixed Feelings, Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics, and Let Me Tell Ya! Download it now!

Jan 20, 2017

It's easy to have a good laugh when talking about customers and corporate. We've done if for the last year and a half together. But this week, TRB is throwing you a curveball. What, no customer fuckery? No corporate monkeys bombing your inbox? Not this week friend. It's time to take a look into the future of retail. It's time for TRB to rip off "TEDtalks", and make you think about your own future in retail hell. 2017 will be a big year for the evolution of retail technology, and we need to give it some serious thought. Could an app replace you? Will e-commerce cost me my job? How will the success or failure of Amazon Go impact MY job in 10 years?

In an era where trends and data are valued more than employee experience, you have to look at the total picture. And that's what this first episode in the series of TRBtalks is intended to do. We will look into a time not too far away, and be forced to ask ourselves, "Is my time in retail almost up?". And for many of us, the time is drawing near. But do we realize it? Are we aware of the things happening behind the scenes that could cost us our paycheck? If you aren't, then please pay close attention to this episode. Questions will be asked, but only you have the right answers.

Jan 13, 2017

Yup, it snowed this week. And as expected, everyone from the district manager to the customers lost their damn minds. And who better to dissect their idiocy than TRB! Featuring the classic snowstorm phone calls ("Are you open?", "Are you coming in?"), the moron who wants an employee to come shovel their driveway, DMs who say "the roads aren't THAT bad", a few Fuck You Notes, and unispiring inspirational quotes, this weeks episode has it all! So grab a cold beer (or enjoy your leftover bread and milk), kick back and relax, as The Ranty Bastard discusses and destroys this week in retail hell!

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Drop a 5-star iTunes review for The Retail Rant, as well as the rest of the #couchpartycrew. And download that Couch Party app for your Android device to get nine of the best independent podcasts out there. It's FREE and totally AWESOME!

Jan 6, 2017

Hey there boys and girls, Ranty's back! After a brief Christmas hiatus, TRB has returned to what he does best - spreading the retail hate! After a quick recap of the shit show known as 2016, it's back to ranting and raving on this episode. Corporate, customers, apps and coupons will never be safe once The Ranty Bastard gets a hold of them! So kick back, relax, enjoy a well deserved drink, and throw on someone else's nametag!

Sponsors rule! Especially when they send out chocolate dicks to both friend and foe! So check out, and use the promo code "COUCH" to get a free handwritten note upgrade to go along with the "Eat a dick" message insode that beautiful box!

Haven't downloaded the Couch Party app yet? Well get your ass to the Google Play Store and get it on your Android device fo FREE! Nine of the best independent podcasts all in one tap of the finger! Did I mention it's FREE?!?!?!

Dec 23, 2016

Merry Christmas to all my retail brethren! It's break time for TRB, which means it's time to dig into the vault and bring you one of the very first episodes! Forgive the audio, as this was originally the fifth episode of the show, in a time where production, editing and decent mics didn't exist. But the ranting was just as strong as ever! In this classic rewind, you'll hear about the hatred of a loyalty card, speakerphone assholes, haggling hags and more! So take a break yourself, crack open a cold beer (or a warm one, who am I to judge?!), and take a trip down memory lane with The Ranty Bastard. And here's to hoping that we all get what we want for Christmas - someone else's nametag!

Dec 16, 2016

I uploaded the wrong Fuck You Notes last night, so enjoy this quick little standalone episode featuring Mrs. Ranty and lots of fuck yous!

Dec 16, 2016

Closing out 2016 this week, TRB is joined by the mastermind behind, Rex! Of course he's wearing someone else's nametag, but the stories are real. We discuss the three C's that suck a retail workers soul dry (customers, coupons, and corporate), recount some tales that have been submitted to the site, itself, and get the scoop on why Rex was recently fired. And there's a special surprise at the end, as we learn what the first thing Rex did after his termination! So strap in, grab your favorite beverage, and prepare to have TRB and Rex invade your ear spaces with retail fuckery, all while wearing someone else's nametag!

Big thanks to our sponsor, - the perfect gag (literally?) gift for that "special" someone in your life. And when you use the promo code "couch" at checkout, you now get TWO bonuses! Not only can you add the handwritten, personalized note for free, but you can also receive a festive holiday box to house that chocolate dong delicacy. So get to and sling that dick! Because @DickAtYourDoor guarantees that it will melt in their mouth, not in their mailbox!

All things social!

Rex - @retailblogsite,

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Need a last minute gift? Broke as hell? Well give your friends the power of podcasts by having them download the Couch Party app for Android! A one stop shop for nine of the best independent podcasts, packed with hours of content! and it's all FREE!

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Dec 9, 2016

You asked for it, and boy are you going to get it! That's right, Sean William Brown takes over The Retail Rant Podcast this week, and brings along his old LP buddy, Jeremy Blake. We get stories that didn't make the cut in Sean's last book, tales from the LP office, the show's first ever "Eiffel Tower" reference and much, much more. It's a good time (with some occasional phone issues, so please forgive us) as the guys give us a glimpse into the loss prevention life, which isn't always about catching shoplifters. Kick back and enjoy!

Do that social shit!!!

Sean - @SWilliamBrown33

Jeremy - who the fuck knows? The guy refuses to tweet!

And remember that there's more than one way to support this show as well as the entire Couch Party Crew! Download our Android app for all the best content for FREE, then drop off some 5-star reviews under the Christmas tree for us to unwrap! And if you want to have someone open up a very special gift this holiday season, be sure to visit our sponsor -! Sling that chocolate dick anonymously to someone that truly needs to "eat a dick"! And use promo code COUCH to add a personalized, handwritten note to really get your point across!

Dec 2, 2016

Another Black Friday under our belts, and another episode of The Retail Rant podcast to help with your retail PTSD. TRB is joined this week by a new friend of the show, sharing his trials and tribulations of the retail universe. Listen in as @Retail_Hades shares tales of cell phone horrors, things that can't be unseen, and the never ending asshole nature of the customer! Throw in a few Fuck You Notes (I love the wild boar one, and you will do), and some anonymous dicks being delivered across the country, and this show has everything a growing retail slave needs!

Do the social thing, and follow TRB's guest on Twiter - @Retail_Hades

So hey, if that Galaxy S7 didn't set you on fire yet, be sure to download the Couch Party app from the Google Play Store! Get nine of the best independent podcasts available in one handy click on your Android device. and the best part? IT'S FREE!!

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Nov 25, 2016

What an accurate name for a Black Friday show! But instead of talking about the deal seeking dicks that are surrounding us today, TRB wants to make you laugh and forget that misery. And how will he accomplish that? By bringing back two guests who make dicks their business! Returning to The Retail Rant, Laine and Muse are bringing laughter, dick jokes, and some cringe inducing DVD titles this week to help you forget about the shitty shifts you're working this weekend. Along with some retail stories that will make you say "Maybe my job isn't THAT bad", this isn't your typical Retail Rant!

Do the social thing!

Laine - @sexstorewoes

Muse - @MusingsInRetail

And support our sponsor by exacting your revenge with a phallic treat from! They'll anonymously mail your sworn enemies an overly detailed chocolate dick with a box, a bow, and that "eat a dick" you've been suppressing for years. And when you use promo code "Couch", they'll throw in a free handwritten note with your personalized message! So get to, follow them on Twitter (@DickAtYourDoor) and make that one person you can't stand eat a dick!


Nov 23, 2016

BONUS EPISODE!!! TRB here, and I just wanted to pop in real quick and offer some survival tips to all of the unfortunate souls stuck working on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. A little teaser for Friday's episode, and some things to help you get through the two shittiest days of the year in retail hell (yes, worse than inventory day). Stock up on chili and Monster, listen in and you'll see why!

So make sure you've got someone else's nametag ready to go, and a very happy Thanksgiving to all of you sharing the misery of retail with me.

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