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The Retail Rant

Dedicated to the slaves of the retail world and the s#*t we all put up with on a daily basis. This show is the grey area that you can't discuss in the workplace, be it idiots in corporate, dickhead customers, or lazy ass co-workers. If you've ever worked a cash register, dealt with belligerent shoppers, or set a "15 minute" planogram, then this is the show for you!
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The Retail Rant
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Apr 28, 2017

S2E5: It's finally warming up in most of the country, which means one thing. Customers handing us things from their sweaty nether regions is about to become a thing again. And just when you thought perspiration soaked money from socks and boobs was the worst we would face, TRB bore witness to something far more disgusting. So pop in those earbuds and grab a barf bag, because this one will trigger your upchuck reflex. And if you've ever wondered if the employees at a pizza place get pizza parties as a reward, Ranty has the answer for you. Mix in a few more tales of retail fuckery, and you have this week's episode of The Retail Rant Podcast! So kick back, relax, and as always, make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

The Ranty Hotline is open! Call 810-373-9790, release some retail rage, and get it played on the show!

Couch Party App. Google Play Store. Do it. DO IT NOW!

Apr 14, 2017

TRB gets to relax a bit as three good friends of the show grab the reins this week in Season 2's first fan takeover. Sean William Brown and Mike Bookseller start us off with their top five things they actually like about retail, and TRB jumps in with Retail Side Eye to double the fun towards the end. Here's just a sample of what you'll hear about in Season 2, Episode 3 - Seafood hide and seek/creepy basements/dumb shit that corporate sends/things thrown at TRB/Rostered On/discount candy/bad crabcakes/Fios dies

Support the guys and pick up a copy of Sean's literary masterpieces "Dear Customer" and "Walmart: I Don't Belong Here", check out Mike's artistic stylings at krrobar.com, as well as their joint venture, thesku.org. And get over to facebook.com/retailcomicbook to support our good friend Steven Petrivelli by picking up a copy of RETAIL, now available for pre-order!

And be sure to check out the entire #CouchPartyCrew on the award winning Couch Party app from the Google Play Store! 100's of episodes, 10 great podcasts, all in 1 FREE app!

Apr 7, 2017

Season 2 continues with the return of an awesome guest, Retail Hades! Check it out as Ranty and Hades team up to talk about more fuckery in cellular sales, and a #dearcustomer moment that will have you tearing up (from laughter, we're not real sensitive around here). Tales of retail past, idiots of retail present, and what you can expect in the future, all rolled into one episode! So pull out those earphones and fill out some more job applications as TRB and Hades help you through yet another #FucktardFriday in retail hell! And as always, make sure you;re wearing someone else's nametag!

The Social Stuff

Hades - @Retail_Hades    His better half - @Pharmacy_Hades

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Support the best crew in podcasting today by downloading the Couch Party app for your Android device! It's the best way to listen to 10 amazing podcasts in just one click of the finger. Perfectly priced for the underpaid retail employee - IT'S FREE! So go grab it now from the Google Play Store!

Mar 31, 2017

Season 2 is here! And who better to kick it off with than the creative mind behind the Retail comic book, Steven Petrivelli! Steven and TRB discuss what drives them to create their content, share stories from retail hell, and talk about what the reader can expect from this amazing comic. And despite their mutual hatred of working behind a cash register, you'll hear about some of the (few) good things that can come from being a corporate number. So plug in those earbuds, drown out the rest of the break room, and enjoy the season premiere of The Retail Rant Podcast!

The social stuff

Steven Petrivelli - @Steve_Petro / facebook.com/retailcomicbook

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Powered by the Couch Party app for Android devices. Don't have it yet? Why the hell not?!?! Get to the Google Play Store and download it now - IT'S FREE! AND AWESOME!

Mar 24, 2017

It's been too long my friends, but don't fret. Ranty has returned. Despite a brief hiatus (not of my own choosing), TRB is back to heal the wounds of retail hell. Listen in as Ranty discusses what happened, how it went down, and why he's not all that mad about it (still kinda pissed, but not really). And then it's back to destroying retail and all it's fuckery. It's also a perfect time to bring a close to season 1 and get ready to bring you season 2, packed with customer fuckery and corporate idiocy. So kick back and enjoy the season finale (NOT a series finale, relax)!

And be sure to check out the dopest crew in podcasting, the Couch Party crew! Check all these great shows out on our Android app, and drop some 5-star love over on iTunes!

Couch Party  -  Miserable Retail Slave  -  Doom and The Beast  -  Jake and Tom Conquer the World  -  Let Me Tell Ya  -  Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics  -  Penrose vs. Anybody  -  The Nerd Rage Podcast  -  The Mixed Feelings Podcast (who also has an amazing YouTube channel - check it out!)

Feb 24, 2017

Well it's time to drop another throwback episode of the show this week, and what better way to do it than by bringing you the first ever guest on The Retail Rant. Joined by Sol (@_seasun), TRB finds out what it's like to be a server again after being out of the game for over 15 years. Whether it's the "Diet Coke" response to "Hi, I'm...", the ridiculous perceptions of what they saw on TV versus the food in front of them, or just general assholishness, waiting tables still sucks. And your Fuck You Notes get the "live commentary" treatment this week too! So kick back and enjoy this classic episode with your favorite drink, or just catch it in 15 minute segments on your breaks. Be certain to wear those earbuds, but most importantly, make sure you're wearing someone else's fucking nametag!

Feb 17, 2017

In the second TRBtalk of 2017, TRB sits down to discuss a piece of American culture that is slowly working itself into oblivion. The shopping mall. We all have them in our towns, and it was probably a piece of your teenage years growing up. Meeting someone there on a Friday night, taking them there for the first date on Saturday, or maybe even (gasp) shopping, we've all got at least one mall memory. And whether it's a good or bad memory, it's a part of our youth thats engrained forever.

But now we've "grown up", and gotten a job at the mall as we try to afford all the things that adult life necessitates. But something is amiss. This isn't the mall we know and love. It's merely a shell of it's former self. Why is that? Well kick back with a cold one as TRB explains why the American shopping mall is dying, and why it may be time for you to fire up that escape pod.

Feb 10, 2017

Yet another week of retail hell is in the books, and TRB is here to tell you all about it. Hopefully it's a cathartic thing for you, because this week we are dredging up some of the worst of TRB's last month behind the cash register. It all starts with a meeting (see #rantytweetsameeting for reference), followed up by a woman who deserves a dropkick, and sprinkled with some customer douchebaggery for good measure. So whether you're paying your way through college as a cashier, or stuck in middle management with no end in sight, this show is for you. Because let's be honest, there's a little bit of The Ranty Bastard in all of us!

Not enough TRB for ya? Check out the latest appearances of TRB with the #CouchPartyCrew on the totally FREE Couch Party App for Android! Talking RetroPie and wrestling with HAB of Couch Party, or the first in "studio" appearance on Penrose Vs. Anybody with the great Penrose Eames, it's been an exciting month for TRB!

Social Creds

TRB @The_Retail_Rant            The Ranty Hotline - 810-373-9790

HAB @Couch_Party

Penrose @PenroseEames

Feb 3, 2017

Welcome back to another week of retail fuckery! It's been a while since we've checked in on the mall scene, and this week's guest gives us some insight to where this former institution is headed. So Ranty is joined this week by yet another amazing guest, Heather D., to discuss just that. You'll hear about the uber competitive mall walkers, the creepers at the window and how to shame them, along with why Heather feels like she is working in the underbelly of a dying beast. See that the struggle to escape retail is even more difficult when you can start to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. But it's not all doom and gloom, so kick back and enjoy another great guest appearance on The Retail Rant!

The Social Things

Heather - @IB4ECeptAfterC

Ranty - @The_Retail_Rant

Did #dearcustomer give you an anonymous 1 star review? Boss forced you to accept an expired coupon from 2013? Corporate fucking up your day with conference calls? Well don't hold in the rage my friends! Call the Ranty Hotline at 810-373-9790 and let those frustrations go! Get them played on the show, as well as any topics you want covered on a future episode! Drunk dials totally encouraged!

Jan 27, 2017

Time to enjoy one of the greatest guests to join The Retail Rant! After much rescheduling, TRB is FINALLY joined in studio by the host of Penrose Vs. Anybody (and fellow Couch Party member), Dr. Penrose Eames!!! We talk about his show, some retail, Penrose says what everybody feels about Wal-Mart, TRB reminds everyone that they are just a number to corporate, B-Dubs wings are lame, and much more! This is by far one of the funniest, laugh out loud episodes of the show, so maybe the break room isn't the best spot to listen (unless you like those crazy looks from co-workers). But it's served up perfectly at home with your favorite adult beverage!

The Social Stuff

Penrose - @PenroseEames (the name changes every 6 minutes, so just use the @)

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Find both shows and many more on the totally awesome, 100% FREE Couch Party app for Android! The best collection of shows in one simple click, including all these great shows - Miserable Retail Slave, Couch Party, Jake and Tom Conquer the World, Nerd Rage, Mixed Feelings, Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics, and Let Me Tell Ya! Download it now!

Jan 20, 2017

It's easy to have a good laugh when talking about customers and corporate. We've done if for the last year and a half together. But this week, TRB is throwing you a curveball. What, no customer fuckery? No corporate monkeys bombing your inbox? Not this week friend. It's time to take a look into the future of retail. It's time for TRB to rip off "TEDtalks", and make you think about your own future in retail hell. 2017 will be a big year for the evolution of retail technology, and we need to give it some serious thought. Could an app replace you? Will e-commerce cost me my job? How will the success or failure of Amazon Go impact MY job in 10 years?

In an era where trends and data are valued more than employee experience, you have to look at the total picture. And that's what this first episode in the series of TRBtalks is intended to do. We will look into a time not too far away, and be forced to ask ourselves, "Is my time in retail almost up?". And for many of us, the time is drawing near. But do we realize it? Are we aware of the things happening behind the scenes that could cost us our paycheck? If you aren't, then please pay close attention to this episode. Questions will be asked, but only you have the right answers.

Jan 13, 2017

Yup, it snowed this week. And as expected, everyone from the district manager to the customers lost their damn minds. And who better to dissect their idiocy than TRB! Featuring the classic snowstorm phone calls ("Are you open?", "Are you coming in?"), the moron who wants an employee to come shovel their driveway, DMs who say "the roads aren't THAT bad", a few Fuck You Notes, and unispiring inspirational quotes, this weeks episode has it all! So grab a cold beer (or enjoy your leftover bread and milk), kick back and relax, as The Ranty Bastard discusses and destroys this week in retail hell!

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Drop a 5-star iTunes review for The Retail Rant, as well as the rest of the #couchpartycrew. And download that Couch Party app for your Android device to get nine of the best independent podcasts out there. It's FREE and totally AWESOME!

Jan 6, 2017

Hey there boys and girls, Ranty's back! After a brief Christmas hiatus, TRB has returned to what he does best - spreading the retail hate! After a quick recap of the shit show known as 2016, it's back to ranting and raving on this episode. Corporate, customers, apps and coupons will never be safe once The Ranty Bastard gets a hold of them! So kick back, relax, enjoy a well deserved drink, and throw on someone else's nametag!

Sponsors rule! Especially when they send out chocolate dicks to both friend and foe! So check out dickatyourdoor.com, and use the promo code "COUCH" to get a free handwritten note upgrade to go along with the "Eat a dick" message insode that beautiful box!

Haven't downloaded the Couch Party app yet? Well get your ass to the Google Play Store and get it on your Android device fo FREE! Nine of the best independent podcasts all in one tap of the finger! Did I mention it's FREE?!?!?!

Dec 23, 2016

Merry Christmas to all my retail brethren! It's break time for TRB, which means it's time to dig into the vault and bring you one of the very first episodes! Forgive the audio, as this was originally the fifth episode of the show, in a time where production, editing and decent mics didn't exist. But the ranting was just as strong as ever! In this classic rewind, you'll hear about the hatred of a loyalty card, speakerphone assholes, haggling hags and more! So take a break yourself, crack open a cold beer (or a warm one, who am I to judge?!), and take a trip down memory lane with The Ranty Bastard. And here's to hoping that we all get what we want for Christmas - someone else's nametag!

Dec 16, 2016

I uploaded the wrong Fuck You Notes last night, so enjoy this quick little standalone episode featuring Mrs. Ranty and lots of fuck yous!

Dec 16, 2016

Closing out 2016 this week, TRB is joined by the mastermind behind retailanonymous.com, Rex! Of course he's wearing someone else's nametag, but the stories are real. We discuss the three C's that suck a retail workers soul dry (customers, coupons, and corporate), recount some tales that have been submitted to the site, retailanonymous.com itself, and get the scoop on why Rex was recently fired. And there's a special surprise at the end, as we learn what the first thing Rex did after his termination! So strap in, grab your favorite beverage, and prepare to have TRB and Rex invade your ear spaces with retail fuckery, all while wearing someone else's nametag!

Big thanks to our sponsor, dickatyourdoor.com - the perfect gag (literally?) gift for that "special" someone in your life. And when you use the promo code "couch" at checkout, you now get TWO bonuses! Not only can you add the handwritten, personalized note for free, but you can also receive a festive holiday box to house that chocolate dong delicacy. So get to dickatyourdoor.com and sling that dick! Because @DickAtYourDoor guarantees that it will melt in their mouth, not in their mailbox!

All things social!

Rex - @retailblogsite, retailanonymous.com

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Need a last minute gift? Broke as hell? Well give your friends the power of podcasts by having them download the Couch Party app for Android! A one stop shop for nine of the best independent podcasts, packed with hours of content! and it's all FREE!

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Dec 9, 2016

You asked for it, and boy are you going to get it! That's right, Sean William Brown takes over The Retail Rant Podcast this week, and brings along his old LP buddy, Jeremy Blake. We get stories that didn't make the cut in Sean's last book, tales from the LP office, the show's first ever "Eiffel Tower" reference and much, much more. It's a good time (with some occasional phone issues, so please forgive us) as the guys give us a glimpse into the loss prevention life, which isn't always about catching shoplifters. Kick back and enjoy!

Do that social shit!!!

Sean - @SWilliamBrown33

Jeremy - who the fuck knows? The guy refuses to tweet!

And remember that there's more than one way to support this show as well as the entire Couch Party Crew! Download our Android app for all the best content for FREE, then drop off some 5-star reviews under the Christmas tree for us to unwrap! And if you want to have someone open up a very special gift this holiday season, be sure to visit our sponsor - dickatyourdoor.com! Sling that chocolate dick anonymously to someone that truly needs to "eat a dick"! And use promo code COUCH to add a personalized, handwritten note to really get your point across!

Dec 2, 2016

Another Black Friday under our belts, and another episode of The Retail Rant podcast to help with your retail PTSD. TRB is joined this week by a new friend of the show, sharing his trials and tribulations of the retail universe. Listen in as @Retail_Hades shares tales of cell phone horrors, things that can't be unseen, and the never ending asshole nature of the customer! Throw in a few Fuck You Notes (I love the wild boar one, and you will do), and some anonymous dicks being delivered across the country, and this show has everything a growing retail slave needs!

Do the social thing, and follow TRB's guest on Twiter - @Retail_Hades

So hey, if that Galaxy S7 didn't set you on fire yet, be sure to download the Couch Party app from the Google Play Store! Get nine of the best independent podcasts available in one handy click on your Android device. and the best part? IT'S FREE!!

And be sure to get your orders in to dickatyourdoor.com so you can finally tell that dickhead district manager or corporate ass monkey to "eat a dick" in style! Presented in a box with a bow and the "eat a dick" message emblazoned on the inside, this 1 lb. chocolate dong is shipped anonymously to your nemesis! And when you use the promo code "Couch", you get a free, personalized, handwritten note to help drive home the point that they need more dick in their diet! Give that prick a dick!

Nov 25, 2016

What an accurate name for a Black Friday show! But instead of talking about the deal seeking dicks that are surrounding us today, TRB wants to make you laugh and forget that misery. And how will he accomplish that? By bringing back two guests who make dicks their business! Returning to The Retail Rant, Laine and Muse are bringing laughter, dick jokes, and some cringe inducing DVD titles this week to help you forget about the shitty shifts you're working this weekend. Along with some retail stories that will make you say "Maybe my job isn't THAT bad", this isn't your typical Retail Rant!

Do the social thing!

Laine - @sexstorewoes

Muse - @MusingsInRetail

And support our sponsor by exacting your revenge with a phallic treat from dickatyourdoor.com! They'll anonymously mail your sworn enemies an overly detailed chocolate dick with a box, a bow, and that "eat a dick" you've been suppressing for years. And when you use promo code "Couch", they'll throw in a free handwritten note with your personalized message! So get to dickatyourdoor.com, follow them on Twitter (@DickAtYourDoor) and make that one person you can't stand eat a dick!

 

Nov 23, 2016

BONUS EPISODE!!! TRB here, and I just wanted to pop in real quick and offer some survival tips to all of the unfortunate souls stuck working on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. A little teaser for Friday's episode, and some things to help you get through the two shittiest days of the year in retail hell (yes, worse than inventory day). Stock up on chili and Monster, listen in and you'll see why!

So make sure you've got someone else's nametag ready to go, and a very happy Thanksgiving to all of you sharing the misery of retail with me.

Nov 18, 2016

Well, it's that time of the year again. And not that "most wonderful time of the year" you're already hearing twenty times a day. We are one week away from the worst day in retail hell, Black Friday. But that's not good enough any more. Now we have Black Thursday, which is even worse. Listen in as TRB dispenses the hate for companies that value profits over employees having time with families, and the disdain for the upper management that makes these shit ass decisions. Of course there's customers to bash as well, and it's all on this week's episode of The Retail Rant!

Got a shitty boss or a coworker you hate? Always wanted to tell them to eat a dick, but feared the repercussions? Well now, you can finally strike back with dickatyourdoor.com! You can ANONYMOUSLY send them a lovely 6" chocolate dick in a box and encourage them to finally eat that dick! They will never know who sent it (unless you slip up, so don't dummy), and have the pleasure of knowing that you were finally able to offer them that dick to chow down on. And when you use the SPECIAL PROMO CODE "Couch", the team at Dick At Your Door will include a FREE handwritten note so you can say whatever you want!

Sponsor site - dickatyourdoor.com

Sponsor Twitter - @dickatyourdoor

The Ranty Bastard - @The_Retail_Rant

Nov 11, 2016

Wow! 75 episodes and still going strong. And none of this would be possible without you, the fans. Thanks so much for listening and subscribing over the last year and a half. So to celebrate this milestone, TRB has decided to turn this #FucktardFriday into a #FanTakeoverFriday. Taking the show over this week are two great guest hosts, Trey (@ObservingRetail) and Laine (@sexstorewoes). Listen in as they talk about their experiences in retail, the idiot customers they get to deal with, and the unrealistic expectations of the shopper as they search for the ultimate dildo.

Do you want to take over a future episode of The Retail Rant? Let TRB know via Twitter (@The_Retail_Rant), and we'll see if you can fill Ranty's shoes as well as these two do! And don't forget to check out the rest of the #CouchPartyCrew on the Couch Party app (FREE in the Google Play Store)., which now includes last week's guest , Matt from the Let Me Tell Ya podcast!

Check out Tre's website, observationsinretail.com, for tales of the shopper in the wild, and some of the best retail comics you'll find! And if that's not enough, be sure to check out theSKU.org by Sean William Brown and Mike Bookseller as well!

So it's time to kick back, relax, grab a cold one, leave a 5-star review for The Retail Rant on iTunes, but most importantly, do us all one big favor and make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

Nov 4, 2016

Can't get enough of one maniac ranting about retail hell? Well how about two! So this week TRB is joined by Matt from the Let Me Tell Ya podcast, where they discuss wrestling, and more importantly, their utter disdain for retail hell. Serving up some of his own tales from the register, Matt talks about how to properly give change to a bitchy woman, how mopping is great for avoiding customers, and the dumb shit coming from their mouths in an unoriginal loop. TRB of course throws in his take, and a great episode unfolds for your weekly therapy session.

So kick back, crack a cold one, leave Matt and TRB some iTunes love (Matt insists they be 5-stars), and most importantly, do us all one big favor, and make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

Do the Twitter thing!

Matt - @Murdock7x4

Grant - @grantthegreat4

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

 

Oct 28, 2016

Flying solo again this week, TRB serves up a few phrases heard in retail hell that make you want to scream. From people seeking the disapproving ear of management, those that say "It's October, not December!", and a shoutout to the companies already saying no to Black Thursday, it's all in this episode! Also a little advice when confronted by a desperado, and the return of The Escape Pod! So grab those earbuds and prepare to nod your head on this newest edition of The Retail Rant!

Be sure to drop off a 5-star review on iTunes for this show and any of your other favorite podcasts. It's free and easy, and the easiest way to let your pals behind the mic know you're digging what they do. And if you haven't yet (you probably have by now, so you can ignore this part) be sure you download the FREE Couch Party app for Android devices!

Oct 21, 2016

Us retail employees think that dealing with just a couple bathrooms in a retail setting is pretty bad, right? Imagine of you were responsible for FORTY!!! Well, joining TRB this week is a man who is. Travis Sloan of the After 6 Podcast drops by to chronicle his misadventures at Wal-Mart, his "shitty" job, and what it is about a self checkout that seems to attract the idiots. All this, some Fuck You Notes, and a few rants worthy of rewinding! So listen and enjoy, but first, you gotta be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

Check out Travis and his co-host Adam Christopher on iTunes, after6podcast.com, and follow them on Twitter!

Travis (Twitter - @theTMFS)

Adam (Twitter - @bitesizedAC) (Twitch - After6podcast)

The After 6 Podcast (@after6podcast)

Get that Couch Party app if you haven't yet!  It's the easiest way to get all nine members of the #CouchPartyCrew in one tap of your finger! It's all FREE, and all for YOU! The crew loves to hear from you, so make sure you drop a 5-star review for your favorite shows wherever you're listening from!

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