Welcome to Rantyville

A weekly show featuring TRB and Heather D, talking about everything and anything that pisses us off. Does it piss you off too? Listen in and find out!
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Welcome to Rantyville




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Nov 23, 2017

That's right boys and girls! While Heather D is off prepping Thanksgiving dinner, TRB is going back to his retail roots. Joined by "Retail: The Comic Book" creator Steven Petrivelli, we break down the fuckery known as "Black Thursday" (and why you should hate it too). So strap in those earbuds as these two retail survivors take corporate greed to task, and just maybe this will help you make it through another shitty shift in retail, on the shittiest of weekends. Enjoy, persevere, and as always, make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

Places we do things -

Steven Petrivelli - @steve_petro

TRB - @TheRantyBastard

Retail: The Comic Book is available now on for the low price of $5! Go check it out and support a longtime friend of the show by picking up both copies!

Nov 10, 2017

Hey boys and girls, and welcome to Rantyville, where it's population 3.5 plus you this week! Heather D and TRB are joined by fellow podcaster/Uber driver/stand up comedian Mr. Ryan Howard of the Digital Men Audio podcast! Ryan shares some of his own Tales from the Uber, and we discuss the usual wide myriad of topics, including -

Ryan floods basements - The recliner update - Shit We Hate - Crossing Guard Douchebaggery - All you gotta do is not be a dick - Heather says cunt and twat - Dear Abigail: 4th Grade Whore - Best & Worst - and more!

Be sure to check out the Digital Men Audio podcast on iTunes, and download that Couch Party app for your Android device. Why you ask? Because if you're listening to this show, then you clearly love podcasts! So check out some of the best grass roots comedy and entertainment out there!

Where we say fuck and other funny things

Ryan - @Howard_RyanGreg

Heather D - @IB4ECeptAfterC

TRB - @TheRantyBastard

Oct 13, 2017

Welcome back to Rantyville everyone! Heather D and TRB are back at it again, bringing you your weekly dose of the finest fuckery that life has to offer. We learn that Dear Abigail (4th grade whore) has a comments section, people will do dumb shit to get out of an Uber, and how our friend Tyler could FINALLY get some action. So listen in as we discuss these topics, as well as -

"Ralph's" Secret - Shit We Hate - Tales from the Uber - Has Little Party Boy happened yet? - Best/Worst - and more!

Download that Couch Party app and catch this show, as well as the entire Couch Party Crew, all in one place! From Miserable Rejection Snausage to Dr. Penrose, we have it all for you in one simple, FREE app! Get your ass to the Google Play Store now!

For the socialites -

Heather D - @IB4ECeptAfterC    #AskHeatherD

TRB - @TheRantyBastard    #AskTRB

Oct 6, 2017

Hey everybody! We're back off our bye last week, and TRB and Heather D finally managed to pull off a show with no technical difficulties! I know it's hard to believe, so you'll just have to listen for yourself as we talk about -

Dear Abigail - Shit We Hate - Tales from the Uber - Jaundice Kilogram Snakebite - Best & Worst - and more!

Enjoy the show? Drop us a 5-star review on iTunes under whatever they call a podcast now. And download that Couch Party app for all you Android users - it's the best way to catch up with the Couch Party crew!

@'s and #'s

Heather D - @IB4ECeptAfterC  #AskHeatherD

TRB - @TheRantyBastard  #AskTRB

Aug 11, 2017

So what do you do when your cohost sends you money to buy beer? You buy that beer and drink it on air damn it! So as TRB subjects his palette to yet another skanky brew, Heather D sits back and downs a little sparkling white wine (replay that scene with Nicolas Cage in "The Rock" for a full description). As always, we laugh, we curse, and we have a lot of fun bringing you this week's episode of Welcome to Rantyville!

We also discuss - Dear Abby - Tales From the Uber - HD's birfday - Silvia - and more!

Social Shit -

Heather D - @IB4ECeptAfterC

TRB - @TheRantyBastard

Get that Couch Party app to check out all the show's across our network, including the return of Dr. Penrose Eames (@PenroseEames) and our best buds at Miserable Retail Slave (@MRetailSlave)

Jun 30, 2017

Hey there boys and girls! You didn't hate the pilot episode, so TRB and Heather D are back for another edition of Welcome to Rantyville! This week we talk more Ubering w/ TRB, "authentic" restaurants, Heather's bad decision of the week, Best/Worst and more! And remember, if you enjoy the show, rate and subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, or whatever source you infect your earholes with!

Need an easy, affordable way to listen to this show and the rest of the Couch Party Crew? Check out that FREE Couch Party app in the Google Play Store!

Apr 28, 2017

S2E5: It's finally warming up in most of the country, which means one thing. Customers handing us things from their sweaty nether regions is about to become a thing again. And just when you thought perspiration soaked money from socks and boobs was the worst we would face, TRB bore witness to something far more disgusting. So pop in those earbuds and grab a barf bag, because this one will trigger your upchuck reflex. And if you've ever wondered if the employees at a pizza place get pizza parties as a reward, Ranty has the answer for you. Mix in a few more tales of retail fuckery, and you have this week's episode of The Retail Rant Podcast! So kick back, relax, and as always, make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

The Ranty Hotline is open! Call 810-373-9790, release some retail rage, and get it played on the show!

Couch Party App. Google Play Store. Do it. DO IT NOW!

Apr 14, 2017

TRB gets to relax a bit as three good friends of the show grab the reins this week in Season 2's first fan takeover. Sean William Brown and Mike Bookseller start us off with their top five things they actually like about retail, and TRB jumps in with Retail Side Eye to double the fun towards the end. Here's just a sample of what you'll hear about in Season 2, Episode 3 - Seafood hide and seek/creepy basements/dumb shit that corporate sends/things thrown at TRB/Rostered On/discount candy/bad crabcakes/Fios dies

Support the guys and pick up a copy of Sean's literary masterpieces "Dear Customer" and "Walmart: I Don't Belong Here", check out Mike's artistic stylings at, as well as their joint venture, And get over to to support our good friend Steven Petrivelli by picking up a copy of RETAIL, now available for pre-order!

And be sure to check out the entire #CouchPartyCrew on the award winning Couch Party app from the Google Play Store! 100's of episodes, 10 great podcasts, all in 1 FREE app!

Apr 7, 2017

Season 2 continues with the return of an awesome guest, Retail Hades! Check it out as Ranty and Hades team up to talk about more fuckery in cellular sales, and a #dearcustomer moment that will have you tearing up (from laughter, we're not real sensitive around here). Tales of retail past, idiots of retail present, and what you can expect in the future, all rolled into one episode! So pull out those earphones and fill out some more job applications as TRB and Hades help you through yet another #FucktardFriday in retail hell! And as always, make sure you;re wearing someone else's nametag!

The Social Stuff

Hades - @Retail_Hades    His better half - @Pharmacy_Hades

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Support the best crew in podcasting today by downloading the Couch Party app for your Android device! It's the best way to listen to 10 amazing podcasts in just one click of the finger. Perfectly priced for the underpaid retail employee - IT'S FREE! So go grab it now from the Google Play Store!

Mar 31, 2017

Season 2 is here! And who better to kick it off with than the creative mind behind the Retail comic book, Steven Petrivelli! Steven and TRB discuss what drives them to create their content, share stories from retail hell, and talk about what the reader can expect from this amazing comic. And despite their mutual hatred of working behind a cash register, you'll hear about some of the (few) good things that can come from being a corporate number. So plug in those earbuds, drown out the rest of the break room, and enjoy the season premiere of The Retail Rant Podcast!

The social stuff

Steven Petrivelli - @Steve_Petro /

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Powered by the Couch Party app for Android devices. Don't have it yet? Why the hell not?!?! Get to the Google Play Store and download it now - IT'S FREE! AND AWESOME!

Mar 24, 2017

It's been too long my friends, but don't fret. Ranty has returned. Despite a brief hiatus (not of my own choosing), TRB is back to heal the wounds of retail hell. Listen in as Ranty discusses what happened, how it went down, and why he's not all that mad about it (still kinda pissed, but not really). And then it's back to destroying retail and all it's fuckery. It's also a perfect time to bring a close to season 1 and get ready to bring you season 2, packed with customer fuckery and corporate idiocy. So kick back and enjoy the season finale (NOT a series finale, relax)!

And be sure to check out the dopest crew in podcasting, the Couch Party crew! Check all these great shows out on our Android app, and drop some 5-star love over on iTunes!

Couch Party  -  Miserable Retail Slave  -  Doom and The Beast  -  Jake and Tom Conquer the World  -  Let Me Tell Ya  -  Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics  -  Penrose vs. Anybody  -  The Nerd Rage Podcast  -  The Mixed Feelings Podcast (who also has an amazing YouTube channel - check it out!)

Feb 24, 2017

Well it's time to drop another throwback episode of the show this week, and what better way to do it than by bringing you the first ever guest on The Retail Rant. Joined by Sol (@_seasun), TRB finds out what it's like to be a server again after being out of the game for over 15 years. Whether it's the "Diet Coke" response to "Hi, I'm...", the ridiculous perceptions of what they saw on TV versus the food in front of them, or just general assholishness, waiting tables still sucks. And your Fuck You Notes get the "live commentary" treatment this week too! So kick back and enjoy this classic episode with your favorite drink, or just catch it in 15 minute segments on your breaks. Be certain to wear those earbuds, but most importantly, make sure you're wearing someone else's fucking nametag!

Feb 17, 2017

In the second TRBtalk of 2017, TRB sits down to discuss a piece of American culture that is slowly working itself into oblivion. The shopping mall. We all have them in our towns, and it was probably a piece of your teenage years growing up. Meeting someone there on a Friday night, taking them there for the first date on Saturday, or maybe even (gasp) shopping, we've all got at least one mall memory. And whether it's a good or bad memory, it's a part of our youth thats engrained forever.

But now we've "grown up", and gotten a job at the mall as we try to afford all the things that adult life necessitates. But something is amiss. This isn't the mall we know and love. It's merely a shell of it's former self. Why is that? Well kick back with a cold one as TRB explains why the American shopping mall is dying, and why it may be time for you to fire up that escape pod.

Feb 10, 2017

Yet another week of retail hell is in the books, and TRB is here to tell you all about it. Hopefully it's a cathartic thing for you, because this week we are dredging up some of the worst of TRB's last month behind the cash register. It all starts with a meeting (see #rantytweetsameeting for reference), followed up by a woman who deserves a dropkick, and sprinkled with some customer douchebaggery for good measure. So whether you're paying your way through college as a cashier, or stuck in middle management with no end in sight, this show is for you. Because let's be honest, there's a little bit of The Ranty Bastard in all of us!

Not enough TRB for ya? Check out the latest appearances of TRB with the #CouchPartyCrew on the totally FREE Couch Party App for Android! Talking RetroPie and wrestling with HAB of Couch Party, or the first in "studio" appearance on Penrose Vs. Anybody with the great Penrose Eames, it's been an exciting month for TRB!

Social Creds

TRB @The_Retail_Rant            The Ranty Hotline - 810-373-9790

HAB @Couch_Party

Penrose @PenroseEames

Feb 3, 2017

Welcome back to another week of retail fuckery! It's been a while since we've checked in on the mall scene, and this week's guest gives us some insight to where this former institution is headed. So Ranty is joined this week by yet another amazing guest, Heather D., to discuss just that. You'll hear about the uber competitive mall walkers, the creepers at the window and how to shame them, along with why Heather feels like she is working in the underbelly of a dying beast. See that the struggle to escape retail is even more difficult when you can start to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. But it's not all doom and gloom, so kick back and enjoy another great guest appearance on The Retail Rant!

The Social Things

Heather - @IB4ECeptAfterC

Ranty - @The_Retail_Rant

Did #dearcustomer give you an anonymous 1 star review? Boss forced you to accept an expired coupon from 2013? Corporate fucking up your day with conference calls? Well don't hold in the rage my friends! Call the Ranty Hotline at 810-373-9790 and let those frustrations go! Get them played on the show, as well as any topics you want covered on a future episode! Drunk dials totally encouraged!

Jan 27, 2017

Time to enjoy one of the greatest guests to join The Retail Rant! After much rescheduling, TRB is FINALLY joined in studio by the host of Penrose Vs. Anybody (and fellow Couch Party member), Dr. Penrose Eames!!! We talk about his show, some retail, Penrose says what everybody feels about Wal-Mart, TRB reminds everyone that they are just a number to corporate, B-Dubs wings are lame, and much more! This is by far one of the funniest, laugh out loud episodes of the show, so maybe the break room isn't the best spot to listen (unless you like those crazy looks from co-workers). But it's served up perfectly at home with your favorite adult beverage!

The Social Stuff

Penrose - @PenroseEames (the name changes every 6 minutes, so just use the @)

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Find both shows and many more on the totally awesome, 100% FREE Couch Party app for Android! The best collection of shows in one simple click, including all these great shows - Miserable Retail Slave, Couch Party, Jake and Tom Conquer the World, Nerd Rage, Mixed Feelings, Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics, and Let Me Tell Ya! Download it now!

Jan 20, 2017

It's easy to have a good laugh when talking about customers and corporate. We've done if for the last year and a half together. But this week, TRB is throwing you a curveball. What, no customer fuckery? No corporate monkeys bombing your inbox? Not this week friend. It's time to take a look into the future of retail. It's time for TRB to rip off "TEDtalks", and make you think about your own future in retail hell. 2017 will be a big year for the evolution of retail technology, and we need to give it some serious thought. Could an app replace you? Will e-commerce cost me my job? How will the success or failure of Amazon Go impact MY job in 10 years?

In an era where trends and data are valued more than employee experience, you have to look at the total picture. And that's what this first episode in the series of TRBtalks is intended to do. We will look into a time not too far away, and be forced to ask ourselves, "Is my time in retail almost up?". And for many of us, the time is drawing near. But do we realize it? Are we aware of the things happening behind the scenes that could cost us our paycheck? If you aren't, then please pay close attention to this episode. Questions will be asked, but only you have the right answers.

Jan 13, 2017

Yup, it snowed this week. And as expected, everyone from the district manager to the customers lost their damn minds. And who better to dissect their idiocy than TRB! Featuring the classic snowstorm phone calls ("Are you open?", "Are you coming in?"), the moron who wants an employee to come shovel their driveway, DMs who say "the roads aren't THAT bad", a few Fuck You Notes, and unispiring inspirational quotes, this weeks episode has it all! So grab a cold beer (or enjoy your leftover bread and milk), kick back and relax, as The Ranty Bastard discusses and destroys this week in retail hell!

Check out our sponsor,! Chocolate dicks have been flying across the country as people send the love/hate to that "special" person in their lives. And when you use promo code "couch" at checkout, you'll get the handwritten note upgrade for free! So express yourself with the gift of dick, and hopefully you're around when they literally "eat a dick".

Drop a 5-star iTunes review for The Retail Rant, as well as the rest of the #couchpartycrew. And download that Couch Party app for your Android device to get nine of the best independent podcasts out there. It's FREE and totally AWESOME!

Dec 23, 2016

Merry Christmas to all my retail brethren! It's break time for TRB, which means it's time to dig into the vault and bring you one of the very first episodes! Forgive the audio, as this was originally the fifth episode of the show, in a time where production, editing and decent mics didn't exist. But the ranting was just as strong as ever! In this classic rewind, you'll hear about the hatred of a loyalty card, speakerphone assholes, haggling hags and more! So take a break yourself, crack open a cold beer (or a warm one, who am I to judge?!), and take a trip down memory lane with The Ranty Bastard. And here's to hoping that we all get what we want for Christmas - someone else's nametag!

Dec 16, 2016

Closing out 2016 this week, TRB is joined by the mastermind behind, Rex! Of course he's wearing someone else's nametag, but the stories are real. We discuss the three C's that suck a retail workers soul dry (customers, coupons, and corporate), recount some tales that have been submitted to the site, itself, and get the scoop on why Rex was recently fired. And there's a special surprise at the end, as we learn what the first thing Rex did after his termination! So strap in, grab your favorite beverage, and prepare to have TRB and Rex invade your ear spaces with retail fuckery, all while wearing someone else's nametag!

Big thanks to our sponsor, - the perfect gag (literally?) gift for that "special" someone in your life. And when you use the promo code "couch" at checkout, you now get TWO bonuses! Not only can you add the handwritten, personalized note for free, but you can also receive a festive holiday box to house that chocolate dong delicacy. So get to and sling that dick! Because @DickAtYourDoor guarantees that it will melt in their mouth, not in their mailbox!

All things social!

Rex - @retailblogsite,

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Need a last minute gift? Broke as hell? Well give your friends the power of podcasts by having them download the Couch Party app for Android! A one stop shop for nine of the best independent podcasts, packed with hours of content! and it's all FREE!

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Nov 25, 2016

What an accurate name for a Black Friday show! But instead of talking about the deal seeking dicks that are surrounding us today, TRB wants to make you laugh and forget that misery. And how will he accomplish that? By bringing back two guests who make dicks their business! Returning to The Retail Rant, Laine and Muse are bringing laughter, dick jokes, and some cringe inducing DVD titles this week to help you forget about the shitty shifts you're working this weekend. Along with some retail stories that will make you say "Maybe my job isn't THAT bad", this isn't your typical Retail Rant!

Do the social thing!

Laine - @sexstorewoes

Muse - @MusingsInRetail

And support our sponsor by exacting your revenge with a phallic treat from! They'll anonymously mail your sworn enemies an overly detailed chocolate dick with a box, a bow, and that "eat a dick" you've been suppressing for years. And when you use promo code "Couch", they'll throw in a free handwritten note with your personalized message! So get to, follow them on Twitter (@DickAtYourDoor) and make that one person you can't stand eat a dick!


Sep 2, 2016

This week's episode features another author from the realm of retail hell, Jess E. Her new book focuses on the 28 different ways that determine if a customer is an ass, as well as some snark that even made TRB laugh! We delve into not only the book itself, but also some personal experiences that lead us each to our creative outlets. Don't mind the synthesized voice-over - Jess takes the anonymous thing very seriously.

So be sure to pick up a copy of Confessions of a Retail Whore: 28 Ways to Determine If You Are a Complete Ass on And if you are a Kindle UNlimited member - it's free! So go get it!

Are you listening on the Couch Party app yet? By now you should be, because A. It's been out for almost a year B. It's FREE and C. Where else will you get the 9 best indy pods out there? Download it now!

And as always, your charitable donation of a 5-star review can be left on iTunes. It costs nothing but a few minutes of your time to support TRB and the whole #CouchPartyCrew, so show us some love! And once you do that, treat yourself with a frosty beverage, kick back and enjoy a new episode. But always make sure that you're wearing someone else's muthafuckin nametag!!

Aug 12, 2016

Feel like you should win gold for dodging that customer as you dash for your break? Ever thought that you earned a medal by enduring a marathon of insults from a client? Well if so, then this week's episode is for you! From the "Retail Olympics" and the desire to slap a customer, to the people that think we go to "school" just to work this job, TRB has got it all covered on this installment of The Retail Rant podcast. 

Don't forget about the rest of the #Couch party crew,  and download the Couch Party app for 9 of the best independent podcasts available! It's 100% free, so even a retail employee can afford it (admit it, we're all broke).

So kick back, grab a cold one, and most importantly, be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

Jul 15, 2016

This week, we delve into the food and beverage industry with the host of the Effinbe Podcast, Steve Arce. He tells tales of customer service hell from over a decade in the business, and we discuss how to solve the problem of customer stupidity. We launch into the rant-osphere on topics like coupons, apps, and all kinds of general idiocy. So prepare yourself for lots of profanity, lots of fun, and a great show!

Be sure to support Steve by subscribing to his show on iTunes and leaving a 5-star review. Follow him on Twitter (@effinbepodcast) and catch up on the problems facing both sides of the counter.

Don't have the Couch Party app yet? Well get it for FREE on the Google Play Store already! Get access to 9 of the best independent podcasts available today. And drop some commentary over at - the official home of the #CouchPartyCrew !

Jul 8, 2016

Joining TRB this week in her return to the show, it's Heather D (@IB4ECeptAfterC) to discuss why she is still drinking 2 days after 4th of July! Customers that make up their own post-holiday sales, TRB gets stuff thrown at him, and a absurd interaction that one of TRB's friends had this week. It's all in this week's episode!

You should not only download the Couch Party app, but you should also leave some 5-star love for the #CouchPartyCrew on iTunes! It's the easiest and best way to support the crew, and continue to help us in our plan for podcast domination!

So plug in those earbuds (the boss might not like what we have to say), find somewhere that customers can't find you (bathrooms aren't as safe as you may think), but most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!

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