Welcome to Rantyville

A weekly show featuring TRB and Heather D, talking about everything and anything that pisses us off. Does it piss you off too? Listen in and find out!
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Welcome to Rantyville




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Jan 27, 2017

Time to enjoy one of the greatest guests to join The Retail Rant! After much rescheduling, TRB is FINALLY joined in studio by the host of Penrose Vs. Anybody (and fellow Couch Party member), Dr. Penrose Eames!!! We talk about his show, some retail, Penrose says what everybody feels about Wal-Mart, TRB reminds everyone that they are just a number to corporate, B-Dubs wings are lame, and much more! This is by far one of the funniest, laugh out loud episodes of the show, so maybe the break room isn't the best spot to listen (unless you like those crazy looks from co-workers). But it's served up perfectly at home with your favorite adult beverage!

The Social Stuff

Penrose - @PenroseEames (the name changes every 6 minutes, so just use the @)

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Find both shows and many more on the totally awesome, 100% FREE Couch Party app for Android! The best collection of shows in one simple click, including all these great shows - Miserable Retail Slave, Couch Party, Jake and Tom Conquer the World, Nerd Rage, Mixed Feelings, Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics, and Let Me Tell Ya! Download it now!

Jan 20, 2017

It's easy to have a good laugh when talking about customers and corporate. We've done if for the last year and a half together. But this week, TRB is throwing you a curveball. What, no customer fuckery? No corporate monkeys bombing your inbox? Not this week friend. It's time to take a look into the future of retail. It's time for TRB to rip off "TEDtalks", and make you think about your own future in retail hell. 2017 will be a big year for the evolution of retail technology, and we need to give it some serious thought. Could an app replace you? Will e-commerce cost me my job? How will the success or failure of Amazon Go impact MY job in 10 years?

In an era where trends and data are valued more than employee experience, you have to look at the total picture. And that's what this first episode in the series of TRBtalks is intended to do. We will look into a time not too far away, and be forced to ask ourselves, "Is my time in retail almost up?". And for many of us, the time is drawing near. But do we realize it? Are we aware of the things happening behind the scenes that could cost us our paycheck? If you aren't, then please pay close attention to this episode. Questions will be asked, but only you have the right answers.

Jan 13, 2017

Yup, it snowed this week. And as expected, everyone from the district manager to the customers lost their damn minds. And who better to dissect their idiocy than TRB! Featuring the classic snowstorm phone calls ("Are you open?", "Are you coming in?"), the moron who wants an employee to come shovel their driveway, DMs who say "the roads aren't THAT bad", a few Fuck You Notes, and unispiring inspirational quotes, this weeks episode has it all! So grab a cold beer (or enjoy your leftover bread and milk), kick back and relax, as The Ranty Bastard discusses and destroys this week in retail hell!

Check out our sponsor,! Chocolate dicks have been flying across the country as people send the love/hate to that "special" person in their lives. And when you use promo code "couch" at checkout, you'll get the handwritten note upgrade for free! So express yourself with the gift of dick, and hopefully you're around when they literally "eat a dick".

Drop a 5-star iTunes review for The Retail Rant, as well as the rest of the #couchpartycrew. And download that Couch Party app for your Android device to get nine of the best independent podcasts out there. It's FREE and totally AWESOME!

Jan 6, 2017

Hey there boys and girls, Ranty's back! After a brief Christmas hiatus, TRB has returned to what he does best - spreading the retail hate! After a quick recap of the shit show known as 2016, it's back to ranting and raving on this episode. Corporate, customers, apps and coupons will never be safe once The Ranty Bastard gets a hold of them! So kick back, relax, enjoy a well deserved drink, and throw on someone else's nametag!

Sponsors rule! Especially when they send out chocolate dicks to both friend and foe! So check out, and use the promo code "COUCH" to get a free handwritten note upgrade to go along with the "Eat a dick" message insode that beautiful box!

Haven't downloaded the Couch Party app yet? Well get your ass to the Google Play Store and get it on your Android device fo FREE! Nine of the best independent podcasts all in one tap of the finger! Did I mention it's FREE?!?!?!

Dec 23, 2016

Merry Christmas to all my retail brethren! It's break time for TRB, which means it's time to dig into the vault and bring you one of the very first episodes! Forgive the audio, as this was originally the fifth episode of the show, in a time where production, editing and decent mics didn't exist. But the ranting was just as strong as ever! In this classic rewind, you'll hear about the hatred of a loyalty card, speakerphone assholes, haggling hags and more! So take a break yourself, crack open a cold beer (or a warm one, who am I to judge?!), and take a trip down memory lane with The Ranty Bastard. And here's to hoping that we all get what we want for Christmas - someone else's nametag!

Dec 16, 2016

I uploaded the wrong Fuck You Notes last night, so enjoy this quick little standalone episode featuring Mrs. Ranty and lots of fuck yous!

Dec 16, 2016

Closing out 2016 this week, TRB is joined by the mastermind behind, Rex! Of course he's wearing someone else's nametag, but the stories are real. We discuss the three C's that suck a retail workers soul dry (customers, coupons, and corporate), recount some tales that have been submitted to the site, itself, and get the scoop on why Rex was recently fired. And there's a special surprise at the end, as we learn what the first thing Rex did after his termination! So strap in, grab your favorite beverage, and prepare to have TRB and Rex invade your ear spaces with retail fuckery, all while wearing someone else's nametag!

Big thanks to our sponsor, - the perfect gag (literally?) gift for that "special" someone in your life. And when you use the promo code "couch" at checkout, you now get TWO bonuses! Not only can you add the handwritten, personalized note for free, but you can also receive a festive holiday box to house that chocolate dong delicacy. So get to and sling that dick! Because @DickAtYourDoor guarantees that it will melt in their mouth, not in their mailbox!

All things social!

Rex - @retailblogsite,

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant

Need a last minute gift? Broke as hell? Well give your friends the power of podcasts by having them download the Couch Party app for Android! A one stop shop for nine of the best independent podcasts, packed with hours of content! and it's all FREE!

Get it here!


Dec 9, 2016

You asked for it, and boy are you going to get it! That's right, Sean William Brown takes over The Retail Rant Podcast this week, and brings along his old LP buddy, Jeremy Blake. We get stories that didn't make the cut in Sean's last book, tales from the LP office, the show's first ever "Eiffel Tower" reference and much, much more. It's a good time (with some occasional phone issues, so please forgive us) as the guys give us a glimpse into the loss prevention life, which isn't always about catching shoplifters. Kick back and enjoy!

Do that social shit!!!

Sean - @SWilliamBrown33

Jeremy - who the fuck knows? The guy refuses to tweet!

And remember that there's more than one way to support this show as well as the entire Couch Party Crew! Download our Android app for all the best content for FREE, then drop off some 5-star reviews under the Christmas tree for us to unwrap! And if you want to have someone open up a very special gift this holiday season, be sure to visit our sponsor -! Sling that chocolate dick anonymously to someone that truly needs to "eat a dick"! And use promo code COUCH to add a personalized, handwritten note to really get your point across!

Dec 2, 2016

Another Black Friday under our belts, and another episode of The Retail Rant podcast to help with your retail PTSD. TRB is joined this week by a new friend of the show, sharing his trials and tribulations of the retail universe. Listen in as @Retail_Hades shares tales of cell phone horrors, things that can't be unseen, and the never ending asshole nature of the customer! Throw in a few Fuck You Notes (I love the wild boar one, and you will do), and some anonymous dicks being delivered across the country, and this show has everything a growing retail slave needs!

Do the social thing, and follow TRB's guest on Twiter - @Retail_Hades

So hey, if that Galaxy S7 didn't set you on fire yet, be sure to download the Couch Party app from the Google Play Store! Get nine of the best independent podcasts available in one handy click on your Android device. and the best part? IT'S FREE!!

And be sure to get your orders in to so you can finally tell that dickhead district manager or corporate ass monkey to "eat a dick" in style! Presented in a box with a bow and the "eat a dick" message emblazoned on the inside, this 1 lb. chocolate dong is shipped anonymously to your nemesis! And when you use the promo code "Couch", you get a free, personalized, handwritten note to help drive home the point that they need more dick in their diet! Give that prick a dick!

Nov 25, 2016

What an accurate name for a Black Friday show! But instead of talking about the deal seeking dicks that are surrounding us today, TRB wants to make you laugh and forget that misery. And how will he accomplish that? By bringing back two guests who make dicks their business! Returning to The Retail Rant, Laine and Muse are bringing laughter, dick jokes, and some cringe inducing DVD titles this week to help you forget about the shitty shifts you're working this weekend. Along with some retail stories that will make you say "Maybe my job isn't THAT bad", this isn't your typical Retail Rant!

Do the social thing!

Laine - @sexstorewoes

Muse - @MusingsInRetail

And support our sponsor by exacting your revenge with a phallic treat from! They'll anonymously mail your sworn enemies an overly detailed chocolate dick with a box, a bow, and that "eat a dick" you've been suppressing for years. And when you use promo code "Couch", they'll throw in a free handwritten note with your personalized message! So get to, follow them on Twitter (@DickAtYourDoor) and make that one person you can't stand eat a dick!


Nov 23, 2016

BONUS EPISODE!!! TRB here, and I just wanted to pop in real quick and offer some survival tips to all of the unfortunate souls stuck working on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. A little teaser for Friday's episode, and some things to help you get through the two shittiest days of the year in retail hell (yes, worse than inventory day). Stock up on chili and Monster, listen in and you'll see why!

So make sure you've got someone else's nametag ready to go, and a very happy Thanksgiving to all of you sharing the misery of retail with me.

Nov 18, 2016

Well, it's that time of the year again. And not that "most wonderful time of the year" you're already hearing twenty times a day. We are one week away from the worst day in retail hell, Black Friday. But that's not good enough any more. Now we have Black Thursday, which is even worse. Listen in as TRB dispenses the hate for companies that value profits over employees having time with families, and the disdain for the upper management that makes these shit ass decisions. Of course there's customers to bash as well, and it's all on this week's episode of The Retail Rant!

Got a shitty boss or a coworker you hate? Always wanted to tell them to eat a dick, but feared the repercussions? Well now, you can finally strike back with! You can ANONYMOUSLY send them a lovely 6" chocolate dick in a box and encourage them to finally eat that dick! They will never know who sent it (unless you slip up, so don't dummy), and have the pleasure of knowing that you were finally able to offer them that dick to chow down on. And when you use the SPECIAL PROMO CODE "Couch", the team at Dick At Your Door will include a FREE handwritten note so you can say whatever you want!

Sponsor site -

Sponsor Twitter - @dickatyourdoor

The Ranty Bastard - @The_Retail_Rant

Nov 11, 2016

Wow! 75 episodes and still going strong. And none of this would be possible without you, the fans. Thanks so much for listening and subscribing over the last year and a half. So to celebrate this milestone, TRB has decided to turn this #FucktardFriday into a #FanTakeoverFriday. Taking the show over this week are two great guest hosts, Trey (@ObservingRetail) and Laine (@sexstorewoes). Listen in as they talk about their experiences in retail, the idiot customers they get to deal with, and the unrealistic expectations of the shopper as they search for the ultimate dildo.

Do you want to take over a future episode of The Retail Rant? Let TRB know via Twitter (@The_Retail_Rant), and we'll see if you can fill Ranty's shoes as well as these two do! And don't forget to check out the rest of the #CouchPartyCrew on the Couch Party app (FREE in the Google Play Store)., which now includes last week's guest , Matt from the Let Me Tell Ya podcast!

Check out Tre's website,, for tales of the shopper in the wild, and some of the best retail comics you'll find! And if that's not enough, be sure to check out by Sean William Brown and Mike Bookseller as well!

So it's time to kick back, relax, grab a cold one, leave a 5-star review for The Retail Rant on iTunes, but most importantly, do us all one big favor and make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

Nov 4, 2016

Can't get enough of one maniac ranting about retail hell? Well how about two! So this week TRB is joined by Matt from the Let Me Tell Ya podcast, where they discuss wrestling, and more importantly, their utter disdain for retail hell. Serving up some of his own tales from the register, Matt talks about how to properly give change to a bitchy woman, how mopping is great for avoiding customers, and the dumb shit coming from their mouths in an unoriginal loop. TRB of course throws in his take, and a great episode unfolds for your weekly therapy session.

So kick back, crack a cold one, leave Matt and TRB some iTunes love (Matt insists they be 5-stars), and most importantly, do us all one big favor, and make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

Do the Twitter thing!

Matt - @Murdock7x4

Grant - @grantthegreat4

TRB - @The_Retail_Rant


Oct 28, 2016

Flying solo again this week, TRB serves up a few phrases heard in retail hell that make you want to scream. From people seeking the disapproving ear of management, those that say "It's October, not December!", and a shoutout to the companies already saying no to Black Thursday, it's all in this episode! Also a little advice when confronted by a desperado, and the return of The Escape Pod! So grab those earbuds and prepare to nod your head on this newest edition of The Retail Rant!

Be sure to drop off a 5-star review on iTunes for this show and any of your other favorite podcasts. It's free and easy, and the easiest way to let your pals behind the mic know you're digging what they do. And if you haven't yet (you probably have by now, so you can ignore this part) be sure you download the FREE Couch Party app for Android devices!

Oct 21, 2016

Us retail employees think that dealing with just a couple bathrooms in a retail setting is pretty bad, right? Imagine of you were responsible for FORTY!!! Well, joining TRB this week is a man who is. Travis Sloan of the After 6 Podcast drops by to chronicle his misadventures at Wal-Mart, his "shitty" job, and what it is about a self checkout that seems to attract the idiots. All this, some Fuck You Notes, and a few rants worthy of rewinding! So listen and enjoy, but first, you gotta be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

Check out Travis and his co-host Adam Christopher on iTunes,, and follow them on Twitter!

Travis (Twitter - @theTMFS)

Adam (Twitter - @bitesizedAC) (Twitch - After6podcast)

The After 6 Podcast (@after6podcast)

Get that Couch Party app if you haven't yet!  It's the easiest way to get all nine members of the #CouchPartyCrew in one tap of your finger! It's all FREE, and all for YOU! The crew loves to hear from you, so make sure you drop a 5-star review for your favorite shows wherever you're listening from!

Oct 14, 2016

TRB is joined this week by a fellow member of the #CouchPartyCrew, Dexter from the Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics podcast! We talk minimum wage, discuss the assholes you experience on the way to work, and review fine adult beverages! Dexter tells us a bit about himself, and positions himself for a return to the show to tell his tales from retail hell.

So kick back and grab a cold one (we did), and enjoy the show! But most importantly, be sure that you're wearing someone else's nametag!!!

Want to follow Dexter on Twitter? @jealousofregis                     Need to catch up on his show? @drunkcomicsfans                     Want to listen in? Find him and the rest of the #CouchPartyCrew on the totally FREE and AWESOME Couch Party app for Android!

Enjoy this show, Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics, or any of your other favorite CP podcasts? Be sure to drop off a 5 star review over on iTunes!

Oct 7, 2016

This week, TRB is joined by a good friend of the show, and a fellow slave to the (meager) retail paycheck. Listen in as @RiteAidProblems describes some of the horrors of retail pharmacy from the front end, and a few of the things customers do with their back end! She even manages to tell a story that combines TRB's least favorite things: bathroom abuse and thieves. So grab your favorite beverage and prepare for a good time, talking about bad things.

Haven't downloaded the Couch Party app yet? Well get your ass to the Google Play Store and put it on your favorite Android device already! Official home of the #CouchPartyCrew, it gives you nine of the best podcasts available in one convenient press of the finger. And did we mention it's totally FREE?!?! So get it now and drown out those bitching customers!

Drop by iTunes and leave The Retail Rant a sappy 5-star review, and be sure to follow our guest this week on Twitter (@RiteAidProblems). But most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!

Sep 30, 2016

Yet another week has passed in retail hell, which has brought you back to your weekly therapy session. On this episode, TRB discusses how the drive to work is bad enough without the swerving douchebag, why I won't hold items for people, your retail escape pod, and much more! Also, a new side of TRB is revealed on his new blog, So kick back, grab a cold one, and enjoy!

Enjoy the show? Be sure to leave a 5-star review on iTunes, and support the #CouchPartyCrew by downloading the Couch Party app! Nine amazing podcasts, all in one convenient tap of the finger! And it's all FREE!

A big thanks to Adam and Travis from the After 6 Podcast for having Judge Ranty on last week! Look forward to hearing from Travis on a future episode, along with a slew of brand new guests coming soon!

Sep 23, 2016

Ranty doesn't have a drinking problem, he has a retail problem! From the endless loop of soft rock that is the elevator music of retail life, to the thieving bastards who make a living off of lenient return policies, TRB is going to attack them all this week. Add in a few new beers and a favorite musician, and you've got the makings of a new Retail Rant.

And take notes if you're trying to escape retail hell, as we continue our new segment, "Get to the Escape Pod". Ranty will guide you step by step on how to get out from behind that cash register and (hopefully) from in front of bitchy customers.

Be sure to check out all the friends of the show, from the amazing #CouchPartyCrew (all available for free on the Couch Party app for Android), to awesome shows like the After 6 Podcast and Steve Arce's Effinbe podcast. Like 'em? Drop off a 5-star review on iTunes and show them some love!

Sep 16, 2016

Thank you NFL! You have redirected the Sunday church crowd to yelling at their TVs and not shouting at someone behind a cash register! It's a small reprieve, but we will gladly accept it. TRB runs through a myriad of topics this week, from the (hopefully) impending end of sweaty money, to the daily horror of the debit/credit card and the return of the Google Asshole app. So strap in and let your retail misery melt away!

Got that new Samsung phone? Then get to the Google Play store and download the Couch Party app. It's the official home to nine of the best independent podcasts that will both educate and entertain! It's priced just right for the poor retail worker, because it's all FREE!!!

Once you've enjoyed this episode, swing over to iTunes and drop off a 5-star review for this show and all your other favorite podcasts! It's simple, quick, and the best way to support your favorite shows!

So kick back, grab your beverage of choice, but most importantly, be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!

Sep 11, 2016

Straight to the point here. Fuck Miracle Mattress of San Antonio. Last episode I talked about the ridiculous nature of the "holiday ads", and then these fucks took it to the unspeakable level. Disgusting, distasteful, and worse than anything I have seen. Judge for yourself, but I'm pretty sure we both know the verdict.

Sep 9, 2016

Ever wondered what kind of "training" those customer service phone reps get? Why does upper management freak out over non-existent hurricanes? Maybe you're curious as to the meaning behind Labor Day (hint - it isn't about "the big sale"). Well TRB has it all covered on this week's episode of The Retail Rant! So come on down to Rantyville and take a ride through yet another week of retail fuckery!

Check out the rest of the #CouchPartyCrew, and download the TOTALLY FREE Couch Party app for Android. The best way to listen to the best podcasts out there. 

Enjoy the show? Then let TRB know with a 5-star iTunes review! It's the easiest, most cost effective thing you can do to support your favorite podcasts!

So kick back, grab a cold one, and enjoy the show. But above all, do us one big favor, and wear someone else's fucking nametag!

Sep 2, 2016

This week's episode features another author from the realm of retail hell, Jess E. Her new book focuses on the 28 different ways that determine if a customer is an ass, as well as some snark that even made TRB laugh! We delve into not only the book itself, but also some personal experiences that lead us each to our creative outlets. Don't mind the synthesized voice-over - Jess takes the anonymous thing very seriously.

So be sure to pick up a copy of Confessions of a Retail Whore: 28 Ways to Determine If You Are a Complete Ass on And if you are a Kindle UNlimited member - it's free! So go get it!

Are you listening on the Couch Party app yet? By now you should be, because A. It's been out for almost a year B. It's FREE and C. Where else will you get the 9 best indy pods out there? Download it now!

And as always, your charitable donation of a 5-star review can be left on iTunes. It costs nothing but a few minutes of your time to support TRB and the whole #CouchPartyCrew, so show us some love! And once you do that, treat yourself with a frosty beverage, kick back and enjoy a new episode. But always make sure that you're wearing someone else's muthafuckin nametag!!

Aug 26, 2016

Have you ever wondered what loss prevention people do when they're not stopping shoplifters? Well we have got the answers on this episode as TRB is joined once again by Sean William Brown! Coming back for his third appearance, we are finally able to talk about his newest book, "WalMart: I Don't Belong Here". Join in as we discuss Sean's time in WalMart LP, and some of the crazy shit that goes down almost daily in America's biggest retailer. And it's not all just stopping petty theft friends, it's way better than that. From thieves with raging hard-ons to NFL-grade tackles, Sean tells some of the craziest tales you will ever hear leave the LP office.

So after listening, be sure to pick up your copy of "Walmart: I Don't Belong Here", which is currently available in eBook format on Amazon and Sean was even kind enough to keep the prices low so that every retail employee in America can afford it! And for the funniest tweets from "the back", be sure to follow him on Twitter (@dearcustomer).

Of course, please continue to support the #CouchPartyCrew by downloading the Couch Party app for Android. You'll be listening to nine of the best independent podcasts in no time, and it is still 100% FREE! And if you like a show from the crew, be sure to show them some love with a 5-star iTunes review.

So grab a cold one, plug in those earbuds, but most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!

*DISCLAIMER - Yes, TRB's audio sounds like he's in a 4'X4' room. Apparently a certain little Ranty turned up the FX knob when I wasn't looking. I would have re-recorded this episode, but our schedules didn't work out. However, Sean more that makes up for it , I assure you.


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